China?

So... I don't know if I'll post this or not. Maybe it will remain forever in my drafts, enshrouded with cobwebs and shaky memories.

Translation: I'm a wimp.

Let me tell you the tale of yesterday.

I woke up, and I was mostly in a good mood, but something set me off - thinking about the future and how lost I feel (I'm pretty skillful in that whole panic-about-the-future-thing. College degree, worthy.) and such. I started crying and crying, and I had no tangible reason for that, but hey! Who needs one? I was also a little jealous of a friend's blog on personal revelation, because even though she's in this scary time of life too, she knows what she's doing next. Well. I don't. And that is totally my fault. I decided I needed to kick it into spiritual gear, so I watched about fifty Mormon messages on my computer while I got ready for school.

This included videos on answers to come, God's plan for us as individuals, and also, the Come What May And Love it clip. I LOVE Elder Wirthlin. I decided to read my Patriarchal blessing. The parts about my education seemed to really stick out, and I thought, "Okay... That's great, but help me out here? If you wanted to give me a little sign today, that'd be great, but if not, that's cool too. I'd just like to feel a little less directionless."

Then I watched another Mormon message. Honestly, I don't remember which one it was, or what it was about. I was loading up my backpack, and I just remember being struck by the part when it talked about serving and teaching God's children. Now, I'm pretty sure the video was referencing everyone, adults as well, but the way it hit me was actual children. Which, you know, my major is Early Childhood Ed. So I'm thinking, "All right... So I should just keep on... keepin' on, or..?"

Anyway, I felt significantly better, so I went ahead and went to school. I had a great day. Like, I mean, a really great day. My lecture in Psych was interesting, I understood all of it and didn't feel bored once, I laughed a ton, scored well on my research paper, rocked my presentation. Life was good.

The drive back to my apartment was pleasant, and I wasn't even annoyed by the Provo traffic. I was smiling the entire time. And I thought, "Well, you know. Maybe I don't have direction per say, but today was a day I definitely wouldn't mind repeating." I was breathing, people. I was relaxed. I was happy!

Then, after parking in the absurdly small parking space outside my complex, I pulled my phone out of my bag and checked the time. And I had a voice mail from a number I didn't know. So I listened to it.

It was from the International Language Program, and apparently someone had recommended me and said I'd be really great at it, so they wanted me to call back if I wanted more information. The International Language Program, or ILP, is a group that goes to several countries throughout the world and teaches English to children. You can go to places all over the world - Ukraine, Russia, China, Mexico, and Thailand. It's cheaper than a semester of school, and your food, airfare, and housing is included in that cost.

Honestly, I'd never really thought about it. I had kind of been planning on staying in the country until after I at least had my Associates Degree. I really want to go to Ecuador and love some babies in orphanages at that time, and that was kind of the plan.

But when I listened to that voice mail, I had the most incredible feeling. And the more I thought about it, the more ungrateful I felt writing that off as a coincidence. The more I thought about it in relation to my Patriarchal blessing, the more plausible it seemed. You have to know me well enough to know that I went home and stalked ILP's website to the utmost of my abilities. And I liked everything I saw.

Also, I found out a girl I know and very much admire is going with that very program in January.... Sooo.

I don't even know. I'm not sure what the point of this post was. To get awkwardly overly-personal? Eh, I accomplish that with a lot of other posts. I don't know if it's what I'm supposed to do next, but I DO know that I'm attending the information meeting. And that it freaks me out. In the best possible way.

If you wandered through my words, looking for anything to take from this, let it be this:

Going to China to teach English is something I've never thought about before. Due to that string of events, and others that continue, it's something I can't stop thinking about.

I'm going to the temple tonight to pray about things, and I'm still registering for classes next week. But I'm also going to the information meeting for ILP.

Hmmm. Exhale.

Also? Chinese kids are CUTE.