You're Wrong. You're So Wrong.

Moments of realization are weird things. They creep in and steal into our everyday lives just when we've given up on having them. I sort of love being proved wrong about some things. Like when you think something is totally one thing, one ordinary, base thing, only to find out its something completely different, something magical and beautiful.

It can happen with so many things. It can happen with people, places, and situations. Everything in life is so amazingly beautiful, that sometimes even mistakes or being proved wrong can be beautiful. Pain can be beautiful.

Let me explain, because I am in no way insane. I just think that I've been having a lot of those moments where I just think, "Whoa. You were totally off." And its gotten to the point where I'm realizing, being wrong doesn't always have to be some awful thing. Let me give you a few examples from my life.

I saw someone in the hall, and I wanted to be mad at him. Things are just weird and I'm frustrated. I wanted so much just to look at him and be... angry. But when I did, I couldn't be. And I just thought, "Maybe you don't know him. Maybe you were wrong." So he walked through the door to his hall and barely glanced back. There was a girl coming towards the door and she was really unattractive. I'm not being mean, she was just not a cute girl. She didn't look very friendly and also didn't look like she was big on hygene. She was eyeing the door angrily over her stack of teetering books. I was about to turn and look where I was going when I saw him duck back. He went back, all the way out back into the hall, and pulled the door back for her. He waited until she and two other girls were all the way through before he went through. He didn't know them, and they weren't super attractive. And I just felt so tender towards him, and I was so grateful for that. I'm so glad I was wrong then.

Also, recently I was having a bout with just wanting to be antisocial. It has partly to do with this book I'm reading, Walden, and partly to do with a getting burned by some people the other night. I thought that keeping to myself would be the best thing. I would just give up on people and not try anymore. That would fix things, right? Wrong. Again. I made myself go do homework with my friend and it turned out to be one of my favorite nights. I love him and we always joke and have a good time, but we got into a really, really deep discussion and I was so happy to know him. I was so proud that I was there talking to him. Being antisocial can be a really good way to remember who you are, but as it says on Into the Wild, "Happiness is only real when shared with someone." And its sort of true. You can be so ridiculously happy about something, but it fades a lot faster if you don't have someone to share it with.

About few days later, I was really glad I had been wrong about the whole going antisocial thing. I was so grateful that I had gone to do homework and had that conversation with him, because I texted him and found out that the day after we'd hung out, he'd gotten run over by a car. He's completely fine, but he was really sore and had a couple scrapes so he didn't come to school. I knew he was okay, but it was such a terrifying feeling. I had such a wakeup call. I took him cookies and he's absolutely okay now. But it could have been a lot worse. It just goes to show you really have absolutely no idea what's going happen tomorrow, so you better just take advantage of today.

Yesterday I was wrong again. I had set up this whole plan for anti-homecoming and that fell through. I set up a new one and it was working until things just sort of fell through again. And I found myself sitting with my friend up on the mountain watching the sunset talking about stuff that I really didn't expect to talk about. It wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination. It just felt really good. I know I must be pretty thick-headed to have stuff happening like this all the time, but I really, really appreciate it. Even though life seems to be trying to kick me in knee caps and say, "You're wrong. You're so wrong. Seriously. You're wrong. Its not like that at all. Its so much better than that. Look around you. LOOK!" And I think I get it now:

Life just isn't always going to be what you expect, and that's usually for the best.