Enough

So today, we went to the school to ask for leave to explore this park up the road. It honestly looks like a bit of heaven on earth, and we've been itching to see it since we got here. However, we are not allowed to leave our apartment without express permission. This means, some days (cough, cough YESTERDAY) we just sit in our apartment reading books, doing impressions of people, hand-washing our laundry, sweeping up mystery scum, and sweating off twice the calories we consume in our humid little fifth-floor paradise. I'm hoping the asking for leave thing doesn't last forever. We'll see, though. So, in asking for leave today, somehow we ended up on the top floor of the school in the music room. These two teachers, totally average-looking, were belting out honestly the most beautiful song I have ever heard live in my life. It was overWHELMing. I didn't know whether to laugh, or to cry, or what.

Then it evolved into a veritable Marissa variety show. And she can't help it - she is very talented at so many things. We started out singing songs at the piano together, but when they heard her say a Chinese word, they shooed me off the bench and started working with her on a Chinese song. So... I was just standing there for like an hour while she danced, sang, and played with a whole crowd of teachers around, clapping and singing her praises. Hahaha. I'm laughing so it won't sound as pathetic as it really was.

Here's the deal. I really, really like myself. Not obsessively or anything crazy, but I am comfortable in my own skin. However, being in a completely new place, around completely new people, it's pretty natural that that is sometimes rough to be around. Luckily, I read some solid BOM this morning and even though I knew it sucked, I had peace. For a second,  though, this tiny doubt crept in today, and I found myself asking, what do I have to offer?

And then we finally got to the park. And not only did something inside me majorly settle once I was in the green and not the city, but I also remembered powerfully what I have to offer. What I know I have.

I cannot win the hearts of those we meet through my performances or my knowledge of Chinese customs. I cannot make up dances on the spot for waiting watchers, or pick up tai chi in minutes in the park. I cannot sing like an angel, or play songs the moment I hear them.

 

  But I would have come all the way to China just to make mud pies with the lonely girl in the park.

 

So, I'm the other American. The tall one, who isn't stop-you-in-the-street-stunning or turn-your-head-beautiful, who is too shy to play the piano for an audience, who isn't constantly praised as clever, gifted, etc.

But I came to give my love. And that is enough.