Oxycotton Spiders and Life-Ruiners.

Today was my birthday. I have mixed feelings about birthdays in general. I likes all the attention from the fam, but the attentions of others sometimes fall short and are just awkward. Seriously. I mean it can be way nice as well, for example, my friend Andrea got me these earrings I have a deep, sacred love for. So that was AMAZING and didn't fall short. But you get those awkward little MySpace comments or Facebook posts that are all, "Hey, Happy Birthday! I totally had that memorized and wasn't reminded conveniently when I logged in so now I can look like I care!" (To anyone who did leave me a comment or a post, I secretly loved it. Don't take offense.) Or even worse, you don't get any of those. And its like you don't exist. Hello, my morning. Logged in and had one from Britt, who while remarkably attractive, had already told me in person. So, it wasn't even that flattering. I felt as though I had slipped through the time space continuem and my birthday was only some whimsical fancy I had imagined into being real for those living with me and myself.

Or it brings into play the weird phone calls and conversations where they say things like, "I thought your birthday was two weeks ago and bought your present then, but then called and uh, you weren't home. No, the line was busy. Uh, uh, no! You were home and the line was free! Blast, no! I mean you weren't home. The line, the line was free. Wait, no! The line was busy! You were home! You weren't home!" Personally, I don't even rescue them from their blunderings. I just look at them as if I truly believe the poorly formed lies spouting from their mouth as though they suffer from tourettes.

But then, there's always the hazard of having your birthday fall on a Sunday. You can't party, you just go to church. Not that church isn't a party... *cough* but you know. Today I walked into Young Womens and they started the anouncements. I guess its not worth it to invest enough time to find out when my birthday really is, so they just wrote it on down there as the fourteenth. Yeah, no. That's not my birthday. Then the cute little girl who gets handed the program to read off that it was your birthday feels like a real joke. It wasn't even her fault. It was the poor research of her superiors. Actually, you know what? Now that I think of it, it probably wasn't. It was probably vengeful work of the leaders, a purposed snub. Not leaders, just leader. And I know who... Anyway, this girl who has the cutest smile and nicest personality ever (seriously, she's one of those people you just feel inexplicably guilty around) reads off, "And Shelby had a birthday Thursday, so happy birthday!" while giving me this heart melting smile, right? And I'm all... "Yeah, no I didn't. I had one today. Its today."

Good stuff. After church we came home and took some sweet action pictures before my grandparents came for din-din.

After some intense jump shots, cheesy fake engagement shots (for marriages that aren't exactly legal in Utah, if you get what I'm sayin'), and ritualistic dancing, we came inside to chill with the grandparents.

There was this shpeel on the news about this father and son from Ogden, right? I guess they're all chilling at home yesterday and in the usual father-son manner, they turn to one another and are like, "Hey, let's go rob a Smith's. You wanna?" So they head off in their little G-Unit Crime Cruiser and go to Smith's. The son goes in to the pharmacy part and says, "What's up. I have a gun. I want Oxycotten. I want my dad to hug me more." The guy at the counter pretty much doesn't take him serious for a sec, but then doles the druggies on out because he wants to head on home alive that night. Back in the car, the duo grinds up their Oxycotten, whilst making remarks such as, "Mm. Oxycotten." and "Yeah, I like drugs." and "We should do this more often." They take the drugs, and the son doesn't react well. (Whatdya know? I guess enough meds for a whale, an obese whale at that, isn't good for one person.) So daddy drives him down to the hospital, but is flying so high, that he just falls asleep in the parking lot. Wakes up hours later, finds that his son is nearly dead. Well, the son ends up dying because of it and now the dad's in custody. Not who-gets-you-on-weekends-and-holidays kind of custody. Jail custody.

Everyone was still talking about it when we sat down for my birthday dinner, and my grandpa was telling us how he didn't react well to Oxycotten when he was in the hospital earlier this year. Then he started telling this story about how he was flying so high, he thought there was this huge spider in the room, scuttling back and forth accross the ceiling and dangling down. He just kept going on and on and we were like dying, and he's laughing way hard too. He told this eppic story of how he fought off this spider that he knew wasn't even really there. He is just so cute! And then while he's laughing, he kind of huffs a little and is like, "People wanting to steal that stuff and see spiders..." We just busted up laughing. Because, well, when you get right down to it, I guess that's that. My grandpa should do drug-free campaigns. Oh how I love him.

I got some closure tonight about some things, and that was good. There is just something about closure. I must have it. I can't just let things go. Things don't just fizzle out or fade off for me. There has to be a definite, absolute reason and cause and logic and... sometimes there isn't. That drives me insane! Its a personality flaw, I know. Its not like I'm constantly going to talk about it or rehash it, its just in my head its always there until I get closure. Its like the elephant in my brain's room, but at this point there are a lot of elephants because you can't always have closure with everything. I've just learned to live with them. Throw 'em a nice peanute now and again, but other than that, just let them be. But regardless, they still are there. I might not notice them until I'm falling asleep or just in a bad mood. But they don't go away for me. Its super weird. Anywhoodle, the point is, I don't let on that they're in there. But oh, how many elephants I own.

So closure is good. Basically what it all comes down to is life ruiners. You know, people who ruin lives. Everyone has 'em, just to different extents. There are the Level One Life Ruiners, who don't directly try to ruin your life. They just bug you super bad. You see them, or hear them speak, and you just sort of shake your head and laugh or roll your eyes. Although still a class of life ruiners, Level Ones are bearable. Amusing, even. Then you come upon a Level Two. Level Two Life Ruiners zero in on you slightly more. They are more aware and intelligent than say, a Level One. They begin to take note of the way you shake your head and try to tune them out, and therefore focus on annoying just you, which is more annoying than if they were just being their annoying selves.

Level Threes are tough, because sometimes they mean well. You know, the kind of weird kid that is sort of your friend you don't mind them, but sometimes, I don't know... The way they looks at you... I know, I know. Right now you're thinking, seems harmless. Why didn't you just classify him as below a Level One, Shelby? Because, people. Level Threes are where things start to get dicey. Its chill and you're friends until you realize... Crap. This adorable little buddy is a little obsessed with you. So you kindly point out that you don't want to tie your life to them in every way imaginable. In a super nice, casual, let's just be friends like normal people way... And they turn into SATAN. And are all, "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME." You calmly, but quickly, that's key, reply, "Eh, whoa. I do... Just not... Just not." Things generally escalate or deescalate from that point. They can back down and just be chi or they can just keep on trucking to a Level FOUR.

Level Fours are your friend, but since they have a sort of inexplicable, weird obsession with you, they're all the while doing things, unbeknownst to you that sabatoge your happiness. Sometimes they don't even realize it, and you definitely don't because they're your cuddly little buddy, right? Wrong. Sooooo wrong. Their minds generally become diluted to the point where they start to imagine you saying stuff and doing stuff you really don't. They imagine it so much that they believe it. Like, "Shelby, you wore that shirt when you broke up with me." To which you reply, "Whoa, dude. Whoa. It's a new shirt. And we were never even together. I uh, I gotta go. Gotta go, uh, work out. I've gained a little something. So I'm going to go now. To work out. Not to escape you. Totally not. Just to uh, work out." After said speech, its generally a good idea to turn and sprint in the general direction of safety. FYI.

Level Five is an official Life RUINER. In every sense of the word. They do things like tell your superiors that you're in an abusive relationship, or tell people you love things you never said or did, therefore severing your ties to anyone but them. It's pretty scary. After you make it clear that you will never belong to them, not even down at the new ice rink in Hell, it gets nasty. They just live off this hate for you, and I don't know, serial killers happen. Its pretty crazy stuff, man.

Just watch yourself. Lock your doors. Classy ladies attract not so classy people. Its just the way life goes.

I was trying to tell Brittany a story of someone, a life ruiner if you must know, and I heard the following sentence come out of my mouth:

"They're a stalker, and its not even the good kind of stalker anymore."

I was appalled. Please, please, please hear me. There is no good kind of stalker. Honestly. If someone makes you uncomfortable, then you should seriously just get away from that. I'm not talking about the bagger boy with the roving eye over at your local supermarket that occasionally slips you a little extra change, I'm talking about people that actually dedicate time and energy into being a life ruiner. Don't listen to what they say, don't try and stay close. You are a classy lady (or man) and you deserve to be around people that make you happy, and that WANT you to be happy.

Don't be friends with life ruiners, and don't be one. Life's short. And hey, give that bagger boy back his change next time and stop leading him on. Ahahahah. Thanks. Have a great day.