And I Was Pretty Much NAKED?!

Seems I haven't written for a while. Sorry friends. I'm a big high school girl now. Hah! I'm not really. At all. I came home from the first day of school last week and cried. For like three hours. And listened to Finding Neverland. I'm not even kidding. I'm not! It was totally pathetic and something Hilary Duff would have done pre-veneers on Lizzy McGuire. Except she would have listened to Avril Lavigne. And then somehow run into her at the market or something magical. I hated that show. Anyone?

Anyway, its not terrible once you get used to the general gloom and whatnot. Oh, yeah, and FYI? People you absolutely don't think you can handle having classes with? Yeah. You probably have multiple classes with them. Maybe even get to sit by 'em. Lucky you! I think high school is just three years to teach you how to suck it up. Maybe also how to throw a good punch. Oh, not really. But sort of. You'll want to.

But I'm handling it and thing are generally okay. Wrote a monologue and performed it. Pretty much peed myself. I got onstage and though seriously? What are you even doing? But then I did the monologue and remembered why I was up there. It was a way personal monologue, that's why I wrote it. Britt told me, "You're never more yourself than you are onstage." So I just was me, but in that monologue. I think it went okay. I mean, I just felt so good doing it.

Oh, and yesterday was just awesome best, let me tell you. I felt sick when I woke up, but missing school isn't really an option, even on B Days, which is when I have most of my chill classes. I tried not to throw up fifth period, but afterwards, it was looking pretty iffy. Kyle was walking me to Theater like he does every B Day. When we passed the stairs, I looked down. Then I got super crazy. Cause I saw someone. Its so stupid because I see them all the time. But I expect to. And this time I didn't expect to. Which is stupid, cause we go to the same school. Its not that weird.

Then I really wanted to laugh, cause I saw what they were wearing. About now, you're thinking things like, "Okay, jerkwad." "Since you're the fashion police." "You dress like a freaking HOBO." "Get REAL." And all of those would be fair comments, had I meant it in a mocking way. But it wasn't that kind of wanting to laugh. It is just insane how much memory clothing can hold. They were wearing a shirt that I had worn on this super fun day, a couple weeks ago. We decided to just get into eighties clothes so I borrowed one of their shirts cause its big on me and I wore it with black leggings. It was super crazy funny. And I ratted my hair all huge and totally looked like a tramp. But we had so much fun that night. We were friends, yo.

Now, walking with Kyle, I wanted to laugh. I'm not talking in the cute, girlish giggle way. I don't even know what kind of way. I just heard myself ranting in my head, almost like it was really happening out loud. Ew. I really hope it wasn't... Like, "Oh, ha, remember when I wore that shirt and I was pretty much NAKED?! Okay, not really. But we were friends? And you actually talked to me? Ha, oh good stuff. Good times. Oh, you don't remember that? Oh well me neither, aha. Don't worry about it. I'm not in love with you at ALL." Hahahaha. Okay. So in love is a bit strong. But seriously. I was thinking, are you kidding me?

Then I realized how incredibly selfish and awful I am to even care. Honestly. Its their freaking shirt. They can wear it if they want. They SHOULD wear it. That is so unbelievably arrogant of me to even remember that. Who do I think I am? Yeah, it sucks that we're not really friends like we used to be. But its a shirt! I'm just hoping I was dillusional as a result of trying not to throw up on people and that I can use that as an excuse for my awful, buttwipe thoughts. Seriously. I don't even know. I felt like a psycho. And I'm not. Really. Like, at all. For future reference? I didn't even notice what they were wearing. Didn't even look down at the stairs.

Moral of the story, I kept having super weird thoughts all day. And really bad stomach pain. So I went to Mariah's and took some Ibuprofen. Totally forgot the last time I took those that the pain got worse. Isn't it supposed to get better? I think I have a bad reaction to pills. Anyway, I went to seminary. And this thing in my stomach just keeps getting worse. Almost like SATAN is trying to claw his way out of me. Like Anakin Skywalker. Yeah dude. Do you guys remember that in Episode One? How epic that is? When Qui Gonn is all, "Oh hey, who's this freak kid's father?" And his mom is all, "There was no father." And you're like, DUDE! This thing just spawned?! Yeah. That's how it was. I was growing a Jedi. I'm fairly positive. So anyway, I got up and called home and finally got a hold of my dad.

Came home, threw up three times. Growing a Jedi is not easy business.

Then today... I don't even know. I just had one of those days where you just feel like an IDIOT. No matter what you do. So I just came home and cried and listened to Billy Joel. And called Mariah cause she had the exact same day and we just half cried about stuff that doesn't even matter. Really. Small, stupid stuff. And we just ranted until we were done. And then I came inside, read my World Civ, and went into hibernation. Sleeping is such sweet, beautiful bliss. No thought process. You just lay.

Ah. I'm going to go into hibernation to better grow my Jedi. I'm soooo tired of waking up early every morning. Late Start Friday, Hallelujah! Anyway, I'm off to listen to And So It Goes. And feel better. Cause life's good. I'm just sick and weird. My mind is diseased because of what I carry in my womb.

A Jedi Knight.