I'm Legal and Hungry.

Lemme just tell you about a little something that I really enjoy. It's called food. I'mma be enormous when I'm older. It's gonna be... Mmm. My husband will be a lucky lad. The thing is, I discovered a new food I love. I'm just going to tell you about it, so you can try it too. Some night when you're feeling excessively unhealthy, or really skinny and foxy... like you can indulge. One of the two! What you do, is you take yourself some Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. They're the ones that come in the purple bag. THE PURPLE BAG, are you still with me? Okay. Carefully spread some out on a plate. Sprinkle them with some cheese. I like chedder, but hey. You do what you want. (If it doesn't turn out well, and you changed something, it's your fault. I'm not even gonna... pepper you with encouraging praise. Stick to the formula that works. Hahaah.) Anywho, you pop that in the microwave for maybe a good 35 seconds, depending on the cheese per chip ratio, and also cheese density. I.... didn't have them for breakfast this morning. Haaaaa, oh you guys. Come ON. Like I would.

.......

Okay. So I did. And they didn't let me down, all right.

Next item of business, I'm a legally certified driver, as of 4:37 yesterday afternoon. Yes, I have been sixteen for a while now. I couldn't get into summer Driver's Ed for a couple of different reasons. The first being, I'm a procrastinator and kind of had this lovely imagined world where my counselor (which if you know him, you know it's comPLETELY unlikely) would have maybe mentioned how I would go about getting into Driver's Ed, since I'd already paid the fee and such. So then, there's this other issue, of about roughly 20 of the sophomores having like the same birthdayish day as me. Whaaaat? But yes. It's true. The third being... Oh, guess who got their Learner's a month before their sixteenth birthday? Haaaaha.

So you know me, I just enrolled right up in that this fall. Had to drop CHILDCARE, which made me almost consider postponing driving even further. Because it's like... Be able to drive..... or play with my teachers' cute babies all day..? It's really a toss up for me. But my papa took me in and made me change it. So there I am in a class full of sophomores, getting hit on and harassed left and right. Don't even think they've ever looked me in the face, cause uh, let's be honest, they're like, JUNIOR GIRL! I'm like a superhero to them. They don't care if I have a club foot or a third eye or anything.

Anyway, so my mama didn't really want to take me driving all that much until I'd been properly instructed, and to be honest, I didn't really want to go, so. We found ourselves at a crossroads, and frankly didn't do a darn thing about it. I don't know. Needless to say I was terrified behind the wheel, with my scary driving instructor huffing and telling me I don't have a clue. OBVIOUSLY I DON'T HAVE A CLUE. Instruct me! Gaaahh. So lately I've been coming along. I'm ridiculously cautious. I check all my blind spots. I'm terrified of other cars and violating speed or traffic laws.

That doesn't change the fact that as my test was fast approaching, I kept panicking. I have EIGHT HOURS OF DRIVING EXPERIENCE, AND YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE TEST!? Six of those hours are with YOU, mister! Son of a! So right on top of that, guess what happens this week? I scratch my freaking cornea. That's not a joke. It's not. I wish it was. And for some weird reason, everytime I'm in bright light, like... oh I don't know, the SUN?! TEARS COME OUT OF MAH FACE. So I tried to talk to my instructor about it, plus the fact that I'm unprepared and have driven like twice. And he's like, "Well, you did suck it up on the range." And I'm like, "Well, I did nail every single thing out there 'til right when we'd begin testing, the combination of paralyzing nerves and sudden torrential rainfall really threw me for a loop." And he's like, "Well bring sunglasses Friday, then."

Hahahh. So I went into it, pretty much at peace with the fact that I'd fail. My sweet mom packed me some yellow M&Ms. Yes. They now sell them in only your favorite color! And she wrote me a tender note about how no matter what happened, all was well. And it's true, because since I got my Learner's so late, I can't drive til February anyway. I drove first, with my sunglasses. I was surprised at how relaxed I felt, probably because I was at peace with the fact that I'd fail. And I was doing wonderful, I don't mind telling you. The first part of the test where I drove up past Morgan to Exit 112, I was flawless. Coulda made a simulator tape outta that little beaut.

Then my darling driving partner, Bronson, was up. He's the sunshine of my driving experience, like the adorable blonde little brother I never had. You could say I love him, but it'd be a gross understatement. He's seriously the only reason I passed the range. Because he kept me semi-calm, and fed me way more instruction than my instructor ever did. He's like my Yoda. Not to mention the fact that he's had his Learner's for a year, and he's a safer driver than my father. (Please never read this blog, dad, please never read this blog...) He ran a red light. And failed.

WHAT!? FAIL FAIL FAIL. It wasn't even red! He was in the intersection while the arrow was still yellow. And he did everything else perfectly. I felt so horrible. So we finished up, and all I messed up on was my downhill park. But of course, since my instructor delights in being mean, he told me I passed, but kept being like, "Thank GOD we ran out of things to do, or you woulda failed for SURE." And I was like, why even give this to me if you're gonna rip my small confidence limb from limb? I KNOWWWW I'm not very good yet. I've driven for eight hours, and six of them were with you. EIGHT HOURS. I have THIRTY TWO LESS THAN MOST PEOPLE YOU TEST! So we walked away. And I reallllly wish it had been me that failed. I told Bronson I'd go with him to the DMV when he retook the test.

We shared my yellow M&Ms while we waited for my mom, and I tried to make him laugh. When she came, he told me he really didn't want to go home yet. He wanted to walk. I totallllly get that. So without really thinking, I thrust my yellow M&Ms on him. He needed them more than I did then. Bless his little heart. I love him.

I then proceeded to come home, take a big nappy, and make some nachos with my best friend. Then I watched 17 Again. Mmm. That movie is hilarious, delicious, and makes me wish Zac Efron was my daddy/husband/best friend. No big. Grarrrrr. Then I went to my back road and listened to Rufus Wainright and looked at stars. It was a wonderful day, despite the tragedy that is the hours spent taking your driving test.

This post is really an update for my sister Tori, up at Stanford! Holllaaa! Sorry, I've been busy with Shakespeare and that whole school thing... I know right. Laaame. My internet use is limited, but I love you, and miss you, and pretty much can't even wait to see you! (Meeemer meeemer!) I'll try and blog more often for you. Love you, buddy.