Outcast. Like The Adjective, Not The Band.

So, I'm really the toast of the town in Provo.

And by that I mean, no one in my ward even knows who I am. Does that bother me? Really and truly, no.

The thing is, is I feel I've made a stunning impression on everyone around my apartment complex.

-At the pool, I don't put on a full face of make-up. Here, that is the social equivalent of whipping out a razor to shave your upper, inner thighs poolside. I feel fine about both scenarios.

-When my home-teachers came to meet me Sunday night, I was wearing my mystical moose shirt and stretchy-pants. When I made a joke about me looking like a crazy moose girl, but that mostly I'm not, they both just shuffled uncomfortably and denied my other roommates invitation to come inside. They didn't look up the rest of the time and just hovered on my doorstep saying that they would... get back to me. They begged me bring to the peach cobbler in the oven to the break-the-fast. When my roommates and I burned it purposely so we'd have to keep it home alone, I sealed their hatred upon my head. My roommates are too cute and well-groomed to be hated.

-When the FHE girl (who is already sufficiently awkward and talks in a breathy, wispy voice, but somehow LOUDLY) came to get us for family home evening, I opened the door, and my tuna breath wafted out to her with my greeting, "Hey are you guys coming - " my tuna breath reaches her and she begins walking away backwards before she is even done with the question "-out for family home evening....?" Hahahaha, clutching my textbook, looking at her with a half-crazed grin, I call back into the depths of our apartment. "KELS-SAAAAAYYYYUHHH. FHE?" She calls back like she's dead. "Maybe..." I shrug at the girl, and apologize, gesturing to my big book. She takes an example from my textbook, and BOOKS it out of there. Byyyyeee! I wave after her. (I don't really know if my tuna breath was that decipherable. I like to think so. Hahahah.)

In all honesty, though. Sometimes I feel like an antisocial outcast. Just because my roommate who is taking like 17 credit hours at BYU is always going and going and going and playing with her best friend ALL the time, and my other two roommates are in hair school, which hasn't started yet, so they just lounge around going to the pool or game nights and I basically turn down every invite because I have reading and such... I'm mostly a freak. Anyway, this was getting to me a little bit on Monday, after reading American Heritage from 10-7:30 (this includes 16 pages of notes taken on 80 pages of the textbook, which I cross-referenced with the supplemental reading and also translated by looking up all the words I didn't know). Well, on my "break" I was writing a paper that's not due until the end of the month - when you got on a roll, you might as well... keep rolling :) And as she edited it, and was basically the best mom ever, my wonderful, wonderful mama made the really valid point that I'm here to do school.

And it's so, so true.

A kid in my ward said something Sunday that I really liked. He said it's really easy in college, especially living here in Provo with everyone trying to be the most proficient at everything, to feel inadequate in some way - whether it's having "enough" of a social life or not, or working out as much as you "should", or taking as many credits as this person, or having these people like you if they initially don't, etc. But we just shouldn't. Because our best is our best, and the Lord wouldn't want us to have THAT person's best or that person's habits, because that's not right for US. I don't know. I'm slaughtering it. He's our Sunday School Teacher. He looks like a prairie dog and spouts pure wisdom.

Anyway, I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I had an opportunity this week to be an instrument to help one of my roommates, and it was so important, and so worthwhile in the grand scheme of things, that it just made this feel right. Heavenly Father trusted me, with all my imperfections, to help Him. That is humbling. Even if I didn't love UVU like I do, or wasn't happy with my apartment complex like I am, etc., that single opportunity would have affirmed to me that the Holy Ghost led me to exactly where I need to be. All the turmoil in my decision making process would have been worth it for helping just that one person. It's not a coincidence that I was blessed with being her roommate. She is a wonderful example. I realize this is all really ambiguous, but the point is, I feel good about it. I also feel like I have lots of friends in my classes, and I make more every day, and I feel satisfied with that even if I am not fulfilling the college stereotype of partying it right on up. (Hey. You look at me. But don't, because I actually don't have pants on and obsessively stalking wedding dresses with my roommate. No, we're not getting married ANYtime soon. We just don't have dances to look forward to anymore.)

I am happy, and I feel like me. I feel like I am doing my personal best with the talents I have, and the amazing opportunity I have in going to college. I like staying in and reading, and that's not wrong, and doesn't make me lame. Nope. Not at all. My mom is so wiiiise. Plus, partying won't pay m'tuition. (I just said that like the guy on Napoleon Dynamite. Can't find m'checkbook. Hope you don't mind I pay ya in change.)

So. Maybe I'm the local moose-girl-recluse. I don't head to the pool every night or host game nights (though I easily COULD. And they would be AWESOME.) or spend two hours doing and re-doing my makeups to go cruising for boys. (I hope this doesn't sound like I'm dissing on my roommates or anyone who does do that. I love them, and everything about them. I just have to be Shelby. Which I'm kind of great at!)

With that said, I'd like to tell you that, yes. Maybe you are reading the words of a social outcast.
But, you are also reading the words of potentially the best animal-shirt-wearing, tuna-fish-eating, pickle-loving, yellow-wearing, laugh-happy-bookworm-of-a-Shelby there is. :)

Hi! I just like cardigans and college and learning, and YOUUUU. :)