Luckily, This Didn't Get Thrown Away.

I found this in my binder from a while time ago. It's a journal entry that our class never had to turn in, because many people complained it got "too personal." Hahahah. So naturally, when I found it, I was like, "Oh hey blog.. How you doin'?" And that pretty much brings us to now. We had just finished reading some Greek play or another and we had to write a journal entry on ourselves. We had to talk about ourselves like a literary analysis. Like if we were in a play, what people would write about when they analyzed my person, and what role I would play. What I look like physically, how I am emotionally, how I relate with other people in my story (my life), my fears, my tragic downfalls, etc. And we never did turn it in, because so many people were so prudish about the assignment. Personally, I thought it was kind of a cool idea.

Here is the transcript of my journal entry as follows:

"Wow. I mean WOOF, J. Horst. You really know how to dish them out... I hope it's cool that I called you J. Horst. I feel like we're tight enough now, you know? ... Too soon, too soon? Ohhh, just kidding. We both know I'm just trying to avoid the question.. My bad. I just feel weird talking about myself and analyzing. Oh well.

Physically, I'm not really sure how to describe things, you know? I'm really tall. Not proportionate tall, but lanky-I'll-probably-trip-over-anything-nearby tall. My legs go up to my neck. Oh! Um, here's a fun fact, my butt is a different pant size than my legs, so... I'm a misfit, whatev, you know. My face is pretty plain, I guess. I have really big lips. Ethnic lips. My eyes are pretty big? But I guess what I like about my eyes is that they're honest. It's always Shelby looking out. One of my eyebrows grows higher than the other, so even when I try, my face is never devoid of emotion. My face is a canvas, and I can never hide anything I feel, because it's always painted there, vividly and blatantly.

If I were in a book, I really couldn't tell you what kind of character I'd be. And I'm way sorry, I know that's the assignment, but let me explain. I don't think I'd ever be "the pretty girl" or whatever, and the thing is? I don't think I'd want to be. Okay, so for probably the majority of my childhood, I wanted to be my sister Brittany. No, really, I did. And there's nothing wrong with being like Britt, but I kind of had this realization that I was never going to little and blonde. I wasn't ever going to be able to flirty and cute - when attempted, I looked frankly autistic (it's not offensive if it's true, so..) And you know what? I loathe makeup. Loathe it. And I don't look too great without it. Also, often times when I wear high heels people mistake me for an anorexic Paul Bunyan.

I would one million times rather be the funny girl or the happy girl than have to be the pretty one. So I feel like I could never be a love interest in a book, because, hey, confession, I'm basically relationship retarded in the idealized sense. I'd rather have someone tell me I'm their best friend every now and again than flirt with me 24/7.

I like people you can be quiet with. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love people I can talk to for hours and hours and not even realize. But you know what's incredible? When you find people you can do both with. I had this friend, we don't really talk now, but I was really lucky when we were friends, because we could talk for hours and hours and hours, and it was kind of awesome that we had that, but we had something else too. We could be quiet together. For really long periods of time. And it was never ever weird. I remember one time I went with him to his painting lesson, and I just sat and I was like.. this is kind of dope, that you can just sit with someone while they do something and just being around them is enough. Even though I don't really talk to that kid, or not talk to him for that matter, anymore, I have lot's of people like that in my life. I feel really lucky -"

It cuts off there, sorry friends. I can't find the next page. But hey. I thought it was kind of interesting. So, when I find that next page, if you're interested, I can put it up. I mean. Ya know. If you want me to.. If you want it. Then I could. If you.. wanted me to. Hahah. Love you all.