A bit of a novel.

So, I haven't blogged a rant for some time. Actually, not since junior year, if my estimate is correct. But here's one:

Why are people so fetching petty? I find it so, so sad that there are people in the world who can't understand that something good happening for someone else doesn't have some negative correlation for them. Some things in life genuinely aren't a competition. So why are some people so determined to make them one? People put themselves in situations where they are so put out when someone's actions don't constantly revolve around them, when in reality those feelings could quickly be solved by having a little compassion and humility towards the other person. Something else that majorly disturbs me is the tendency of people to gang up on others. To blindly dislike or resent someone for the sake of fitting in with others. To make personal connections with others a competition, when in reality, the relationships we have in life are not more or less, they are just different. And that's what's so beautiful about life, you know? My relationship with my sister isn't the same one she has with her best friend. And that's okay. Because we are best friends in our own right. I don't need to attack her best friend or resent that. I used to, and I think it's a sign of immaturity. (Hiiii, Britt. Hi, Carolyn.) It's not that I don't understand how it happens. I am eternally grateful for a mom who reality-checked me out of that resentment when I was starting high school. I love my sister. She loves me. I don't need constant validation that what we share is more than what she has with other people. So why do some people never grow out of that? Why do we compete or hurt in our fear over losing our connections, or over our insecurity in self? Why don't we instead love more openly and kindly?

I feel like people are of the opinion that if you are normal to someone's face, but uncharitable behind their back, it's fine. Guess what? It's not. This has been on my mind a lot lately. It's something I know I am not always the best at, and something I really want to improve upon. College really gave me some perspective to start making that change, or trying. And you know what, that didn't make some people happy with me. It strained some friendships. I don't know anything, really. Not at all. But I can't spend my energy being upset over things that don't have any real effect on me. I can't be upset over someone else's happy moments like they are a threat to my own. And if I lost friends over that, well. Then I did.

 But I mean, think about how often we bond with people over disliking someone else? We gang up on people. It doesn't matter if it's too their face, it is still bullying. Did you guys catch that stake conference? It was just regional, so only my Davis County readers will understand where I'm going with this next part. I love the brethren. They love us. But you are lying to yourself if you sat through that and didn't feel like it was a call to repentance for all of Davis County. To quit bullying - upfront or behind people's backs. To quit picking at the actions/happiness/aspects of another person. To STOP IT.

It is just about breaking my heart this summer. It's all over the place. Why do we all feel the need to comment negatively on the lives of other people or harp on about our resentments towards them, continuously opening the wound and escalating the situation, when we should really use those feelings to turn inward and recognize that the problem is within ourselves? I think feelings like that are an opportunity to examine our own lives, our behaviors and attitudes, and see how we can exercise more humility and charity. Why on earth would anyone want to hold on to how bad that feels? That jealousy, that envy, that hatred, that resentment, that annoyance towards someone else. I know it's easy to do, but holding onto something like that just consumes you. Until everything the person does is somehow an affront to you. Like, "Look at that hooker eating crackers like she owns the place." Hahaha. But really. What is wrong with setting those feelings free and just being happy for others and happy and secure within ourselves? Let go, and let love.

So, here's the deal. I know none of what I'm saying is groundbreaking human nature or new observation, but I find it profoundly sad, and I wish more than anything it would change. I have a lot of faith in people. I have a lot of faith in our ability to be bigger than our hurt, our resentment, our bad feelings. I have a lot of faith in the Atonement and the ability it gives us as people to share our burdens, our hard feelings with the one person who can turn them into love instead of a grudge, and then let those feelings go. This blog is as much directed at myself as it is at anyone. And don't you worry, my little blog isn't going to turn into one of those pathos-filled places on the Internet that make you want to gouge your eyes out. I'm not gonna be that Facebook friend with constantly profound statuses (statusi? I mean. I've literally always wondered.) that you accidentally defriend one day because you can't stand their self-righteous rants. I'm not perfect at this. I'm not even close. But I want to use all my energy to be better. I want to use my experiences here on earth to grow. It's why we're here.

So there it is. My rant. Maybe you'll find it offensive, maybe you'll resent me, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Everyone deserves the love and kindness you can give them. Charity; maybe let's step it up.