Today I Taught My Kids the Word Shart.

 You know those stories or introductions - those statements where people immediately clarify - it's not what it sounds like? Welp. This is one of those times, where it is exACTly what it sounds like. (My mom is sitting at a computer halfway around the world, cringing as she reads this. Hiiii, mom!)

So, as part of the aforementioned Thanksgiving lesson, we are making the classic handprint turkeys. And really, why did I ever stop making those? If you didn't enjoy them an unholy amount... you're wrong. Also, it's hilarious to watch my kids make them. There are the ones who copy, stroke for stroke, whatever hot mess I've made on the board. There are the ones who somehow create, in ten minutes, the Mona Lisa of turkeys, showing me quietly, while the vague sounds of a hallelujah chorus echo in the distance (and I'm just all awkwardly there while they display their superior talents and brainpower). There are the kids that are still stuck on the Halloween lesson, obsessed with making whatever assignment I give them, scary.Teaching them that word and the involuntary/explanatory facial expression I seem to couple with it was apparently one of the most powerful things I have done as a teacher? And then, finally, there are the little cuties who cannot stop drawing eggs and babies and houses and a whole LIFE for this dang handprint turkey. Seriously, I look down and they are basically drafting like a seven book series for this bird, including plot twists and dark magic. It's adorable.

Now, in the front row today, some little lad thought he'd take it a step further. His chickens were not only laying wee eggs, but dropping little loads. Now, say what you will, those pencil turds were not eggs I mistook for something more sinister. They had squiggly stink lines, and those say "poop" in any language. He noticed me watching and visibly panicked, covering the poops and grabbing his eraser. His desk mate caught my eye, all mischief and terror. And there I was... on the brink of being a good teacher... and I just lost it. Hahaha. The little POOPS, though. So well drawn! Rather than punish him, I just sat there laughing my head off like a dang fool, until all the boys in proximity were laughing way too hard as well. He pointed to the poops and waved a hand in front of his nose like we were at the threshold of the fifth grade bathrooms or the black garbage cans outside my apartment (both of which have legendary STANK).

"Poops," I explained, still laughing. He drew another, more graphic accident for the apparently regular turkey. "Shart!" ...I heard the word come out of my mouth and I just thought, Aw, nah. 18 years of boy best friends has finally caught up to me. I just involuntarily taught kids the term 'shart' in a professional setting.

Shart, shart, shart, I thought in panic - for lack of a better word

And then I heard it. His tiny little accented voice muttering, "Sssart. Shhyyiart. Sssart."

And I lost it again.

SO WHAT IF I'M THE WORST TEACHER OF ALL TIME.

I mean, shart. At least we have fun...?