Vigilante Justice!

Okay, so forgive my absence. I do occasionally have a life. Actually, that was a lie. My mom just wouldn't let me on the computer. Ah, I'm super peeved that I can't even make good use of all the material that's been building up. Last Tuesday I got a Cardiac Echo, which is an ultrasound... On your heart. So, not on your stomach... at all. Can you imagine all the inappropriate jokes I could make with that? Well, I can and have. I'm really going to regret not being able to blog about it.

There was also a case of vigilante justice only the other night... Too awesome for words. Actually, I have a lot of words but since my mom is now aware of this blog... I'm being repressed. Basically, watch your back in suburbia. Bad park jobs will always lead to the calling of the police. Yes, indeed. Didn't know you had McGruff the Crime Dog living in your neighborhood, now did ya? Well, he's watchin'!

So even though I have literally hours of material on my hands here, I can't really blog it up. I'm finishing packing for youth conference this week, and my mom is concerned about my shocking candor online. I just finished cooking up my two pounds of bacon for camp. I like to put them in a little ziplock baggy and munch on them throughout the week. Its like beef jerky, but BETTER. Anyway, my beloved friends, I'm off tomorrow morning at six. Four hundred youth are coming. Yeah baby. Ain't NOBODY in my stake gonna be hittin' on me now, that's for dang sure. Yeah. No makeup, no showers. Life is good. Luckily, I've never really been much into showering or makeup anyway, now have I? That's not why I'm going. To go to youth conference in an effort to look good would be like trying to talk to.. Robin Williams. Without getting creepy vibes. Impossible.

No, I'm going to good ole Morgan, Utah because that's simply how I get my kicks every year. I like to take a few days off from society and live it up the way the way it was intended. I am naturally a feral creature and am avidly considering avoiding the indoor plumbing. Seriously. I would so much rather pee in a bush than use some portapotty of bacterial DEATH. I have even come around to the idea of us being required to wear Book of Mormon clothes over long pants the whole time and reenact battles. Especially the reenacting battles part. They're unleashing a monster they didn't even know existed. I'm a force to be reckoned with on the battle field.

That being said, I guess I'm off. I won't be blogging for a while, obviously, since I'm off to "Camp Zarahemla" to wear "tribal wear" and "reenact battles" and use "uneccessary" quotation marks.
Peace out, and if I don't return, know I died in my natural habitat and was weirdly happy with the circumstances.